I am mine...

 ...before I am ever anyone else's.

Its June, and halfway through the year already. I'm starting a new job in 6 weeks, my eldest's 8th birthday is coming up in 3, we move to a new house in 1. I have a lot on my plate right now...I mean a LOT. 

I feel like this month and the next is my period of new beginnings -- I mean, it essentially is. New job, new house, new everything. To preface everything and to provide a little context, at the beginning of the year I created a vision board on my pinterest for this year. I'm a very visual person, so being able to see my goals, my aspirations, and my inspirations holds more value to me than writing something down. I made a goal to finish my degree this year, to get a new job with better pay, to FINALLY have a home that's ours, to start saving for a family trip, to do more things with intent, to slow down and appreciate my time with my husband and my children more, to celebrate my mind and my body more. 

I decided to remind myself that I needed to invest more in myself before I could ever hope to give more to my husband and my children. And not in that superficial, selfish way but in a healthy "I need to fill the well before I can give to sustain and flourish" way. I spent so much time researching better skincare, better haircare, spent time looking for more flattering clothes -- because I'll be honest, I started to look and feel drab. tired. run-down. blah. No happiness, no joy, just constantly going and pushing until I felt like a stretched out rubber band. I remember waking up in the middle of the night wondering, "why?" That was what I said..."why?" Why am I pushing so hard for so little in return? Why am I stretching myself so thin? Why am I struggling so hard? Why do I feel stuck? Why is my family less? Why am I less? Why do I keep waiting for something good to happen? Why don't I have any friends? 

I decided enough is enough. I decided that I deserved more, my husband deserved more, and my children deserved more. More than what what little we've been living on. More than my fear to do more and be better. I didn't (and don't) want my children to grow up afraid to reach for more. Afraid of having doors shut in their faces, afraid to keep trying. I decided that I want my kids to see me working harder than ever -- and not for what little we were getting in return, but working harder for more. For what I know I, they, we deserve. 
So, that morning I jotted down a quick list of the things I want for myself and my family. Then I made the vision board. 

I am finding joy in every day. Sometimes its easy, and some days its a struggle. I take moments to slow down and appreciate what I have knowing it could be worse but isn't. I'm laughing more, I'm smiling more. I'm stronger mentally, emotionally, and physically. I no longer wish for more hours in the day or 

rush to get the kids in bed so I can have a moment to myself. I take the time I need so I can appreciate the time with my kids more. They're only little once, and I don't want to miss a thing. 

*as always, none of these photos are mine.